Starting Fresh

Whew. It’s been a hot minute since I’ve shown my face around here. If blogs could accumulate cobwebs, I’d have some serious housekeeping to do. Thank god that’s not a thing.

The last couple months haven’t been the greatest. In fact, they’ve been shit. If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen my recent post sharing some sad news; on November 1, my cat Rick, who I’ve had for twelve years, passed away.

He fell ill out of the blue in mid-September. Toward the end, we learned why: he had a rare and hard-to-diagnose form of leukemia that’s basically unresponsive to treatment.

These last two months have been a blur of vet appointments, tests and roller-coaster blood-cell counts, all while trying to squeeze in every possible minute with my sweet boy while he was still with us. I was focused only on keeping it together enough to get through the day; anything and everything else I’d been planning or working on went out the window (and rightly so).

Now, Rick is no longer in pain. Though I’m still grieving and miss him more than I’ve ever missed anything in my life, his well-being is no longer taking up the majority of my mental and emotional capacity. That leaves a hole. While it hurts terribly, it also feels like coming to the surface for a gasping breath of air after being held underwater for a long time. I feel like I can breathe again.

Getting back to normalcy means I need some new goals to guide me. 2018 has had so many high points that I don’t want what’s left of it to be spent in a haze, just getting by. So, I’ve got three goals I’m setting my sights on to close out the year. I tacked them up on the bathroom mirror so they’re right in front of me every time I pee, which is, like, a lot.

Unlike most of my goals, these aren’t career- or accomplishment-related. They’re much simpler, or maybe more complex depending how you look at it. They’re things I want to improve—that I’ve been wanting to improve for a long time—that I hope can become lasting habits into 2019 and beyond.

1. Worry Less

I feel like I should tattoo this on my forehead. Or maybe not on my forehead, but in a more visible-to-me place like the backs of my knuckles. Goal oriented and classy.

I’m a worrier. I have been since I was a child. I have taken insignificant things and turned them over and over in my mind for as long as I can remember.

Generally, I’m pretty good at catching the runaway train and getting it back on the rails, but lately my worry muscle is working overtime. It feels like my mind is always on, running through scenarios in an impossible attempt to predict the future. I’m sure dealing with a trauma has a lot to do with it, but I’m exhausted. I’m over worrying.

I vow to worry less. I will take that energy and focus it on something positive, or simply allow my mind to be quiet and rest. Maybe I should start meditating? Baby steps.

2. Eat Less Sugar

During this emotional dumpster fire, I’ve let my body turn into a bit of a garbage pit. That hurts to admit, but there’s no denying it. I’ve never seen my mental state impact my physical state so directly.

My hair is coming out in handfuls. My skin is a wreck. I’ve been eating whatever’s in front of me, which for the most part has been takeout or microwave meals or nothing at all.

Getting back on the wagon with healthy eating will be the easy part. My body is screaming for some vegetables and I just made a Trader Joe’s run to stock our fridge.

What will be a little more difficult, and what I want to majorly change, is the amount of sugar I consume on a daily basis. Like most Americans, it’s a lot even when I’m eating consciously, and I’m learning just how damaging it is for our health (I mean, duh, but I never paid it too much attention).

So many things that I’ve been struggling with these last few months—sleep, energy level, attention span, mood, breakouts—are all tied to eating way too much sugar. To start cutting back, I’m swapping oatmeal for my beloved breakfast cereal first thing in the morning, cutting down on the amount of chocolate I snack on during the day and trying to be more conscious of added sugar in things like bread, salad dressing, packaged foods, etc. Again, baby steps.

3. Simplify

I talked in this post about my take on minimalism: how we’ve cut down on our possessions during our last couple moves and how good it feels to own less.

As the holiday craziness ramps up, I want to extend the simplification into more areas of my life—not just in my calendar, but in my general approach to doing things.

I guess another way to say this would be ‘don’t overthink it.’ Saying no to social commitments that feel more like obligations, without second guessing it. Taking help when it’s offered and asking for help when I need it, without feeling guilty. Nipping work-related problems in the bud by tackling them head on, instead of wasting time mulling them over.

The simple answer is usually the best one, and I want to trust my gut more frequently.

So those are my goals to close out the year and usher in what feels like a fresh start. Thanks for sticking with me through my recent radio silence. My head is filled with new projects and ideas for this blog that I hope to get started on and share with you soon.

Do you have any priorities you want to accomplish before the year is over?