Braving The Wildnerness

I’ve been back from my work trip to Boston for five days now and I still don’t quite feel like I’ve caught my breath. It was a whirlwind, every minute packed with speakers and workshops and networking and wine. Lots of wine. Fun fact: INBOUND has an open bar after the sessions wrap up every night. Marketers, apparently, can do some damage at an open bar.

Despite my reservations heading into the trip, I had an amazing time, met incredible people and squeezed more learning into four days than I have since cramming for my telecom law exam freshman year of college.

I was planning on doing a recap of the trip, sharing a little bit of what I saw and did, but given Sunday night’s senseless violence in Las Vegas, I have a slightly different recap that might be a little more worthwhile.

On the first day of the conference we had the privilege of hearing from Brené Brown, author, researcher, storyteller and all-around badass chick. I first heard of Brené (we’re on a first-name basis) when she was interviewed on the Being Boss podcast for her book Daring Greatly, and I’ve been a fan ever since.

Though she could never have predicted the horrific events that would unfold just a few days after her talk, looking back now, so much that she said holds so much relevant meaning.

The theme of her talk was ‘Braving the Wilderness’ (which corresponds with her new book). In it, she talked about belonging—how it’s one of the most basic needs for us as humans and yet our levels of loneliness and alienation are greater than ever before. After years of research, she theorizes that this is the root of so many of the problems we’re facing as a society.

It’s hard to convey in my own fumbling words how moving and insightful Brené’s speech was (and I can’t find video of it online anywhere!), so I wanted to share a few of her best nuggets of wisdom, in her words.

“Belonging is not something you negotiate with a group of people. It’s something you carry inside of you.”

We’re desperate for belonging. Whether it’s office politics or likes on social media or going along with the crowd even when it goes against our moral compass, we look to others for our sense of belonging.

But true belonging, and in turn true freedom, according to Brené, doesn’t come from anyone except yourself. It’s the ability to belong everywhere and nowhere at the same time (see also: Maya Angelou’s thoughts on this same topic). It’s the courage to betray anyone else—your friends, your social circle, your political party—before you betray your own voice. This should be a non-negotiable for all of us.

.@BreneBrown calling out bullshit, dropping truth 💣s, and reminding us that we are all connected. #INBOUND17 pic.twitter.com/m8pttDzNbO

— INBOUND (@INBOUND) September 25, 2017

“It doesn’t matter what side of politics you’re on. What side of humanity are you on?”

These days it feels like political lines have become the be-all, end-all measuring stick for right and wrong. It’s the ‘if you’re not with us, you’re against us’ mentality. Either you’re with America, or you’re with the terrorists. Either you vote with your party, or you’re with the enemy. There’s no in between. Yep, I’m guilty of this kind of thinking.

But when so much—so much!—is on the line for our country, we can’t keep putting politics ahead of basic human decency. I wish more people in positions of leadership could hear this, but since they probably don’t read this blog it’s at least something we can all keep in mind in our daily interactions (COUGH*facebook comments*COUGH) with one another.

Brené had a little analogy that sums things up perfectly. If you’re not okay with Hillary Clinton or Michelle Obama being called a c–nt, then you certainly shouldn’t be okay with Melania or Ivanka Trump being called one. If you’re not okay with people using slurs and derogatory epithets toward Obama, then you shouldn’t be okay with them being used toward Trump, either. It’s basic humanity.

Good food for thought.

“Speak truth to bullshit. Be civil.”

Today’s bullshit levels are at an all-time high. <– Scientific fact.

It’s up to us to attack it with the truth, not more bullshit.

The ‘be civil’ part piggy-backs on what Brené was saying about Michelle versus Melania, et. al. You’re allowed to disagree on policy. Attack the policy vehemently. You can do it while being civil to your fellow human being on the other side of the argument, even if civil is the farthest thing from how they’re acting.

“People are hard to hate close up. Move in.”

It think this is such a beautiful sentiment all around.

So many of our current social issues are based on the concept of ‘us’ versus ‘them.’ Another race. Another social class. Another income bracket. Another sexuality.

When we think of people this way, lumped all together by one defining characteristic, it’s easy to hate an entire group of people and vote, rally or cry out against them.

It’s much harder to do when you’re close up, looking into the eyes of another person.

How many of the rescuers in Texas asked the people they were pulling onto their boats to see their green cards? How many of the people suffering in Puerto Rico were spared from destruction because of who they voted for? Nope, not a one.

On being “sorted”

I don’t have an exact quote on this one but it was something Brené talked about at length—the concept of being sorted. It’s something we do to other people, but even more dangerous, it’s something we do to ourselves. It’s the self-inflicted echo-chamber effect.

Ever blocked a friend on social media because of their political posts? You’ve sorted yourself.

Ever distanced yourself from a family member because their views don’t match yours? You’ve sorted yourself.

And yes, for the record, I’ve done both of these things.

We sort ourselves with people who are like us. It’s comfortable. But it isn’t healthy for humans as a species. Every time we do it, we add to our own isolation from one another, which makes it that much easier to dehumanize one another.

And, at the end of the day, how many of the people you’ve superficially sorted yourself with will sit by your bedside while you’re going through chemo or help you dig through the wet pile of rubble that used to be your house—you know, the really ugly stuff? When it comes to that stuff, the sorting means nothing.

So what can we do to get away from our isolation and get back to each other? Brené suggested that we seek out more moments like this:

And this:

And this:

Moments that bring us together, rather than sort us apart.

I swear, all of this sounded about 1200 times more poignant coming from the mouth of queen Brené. I’ll keep checking to see if they release video of her talk at INBOUND so I can update with it here.

If you want to hear more, watch her TED Talk on vulnerability or pretty much any of her recorded talks or read anything she’s ever written. All of it is excellent.

If you want to take action following the Las Vegas tragedy, please click here for several ways to get involved.

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